I finally finished a recording I've been working on for a while. I wrote this song back in the fall of 2016, while I was at Phantom Ranch on a trip that the youth group takes at that time. I was definitely feeling rather unqualified to be there as a youth leader, guiding and teaching the teens, and so that's part of why this song was written. But in general, this song is about sanctification, and how I don't deserve Jesus' guiding hand in my life through that process, but He gives it anyway. This song is about sin, and how we all continually fail our God by being unfaithful to Him. It is also about how our God is utterly faithful, and when we cannot obey in our own power, He gives us the power to obey. I hope you enjoy it.
Why do I keep writing songs (that highlight the dark in me)?
Was I like this all along (or does the music set it free)?
Will I ever go back to the way it was before? Back when I had my innocence, back before I closed that door.
Another place that reminds me that I am not the person I was
Another chance for me to see that I still have some time to run.
Pry another finger away from the darkness I hold so tightly
Set my feet, grit my teeth, but honestly, this is the hardest thing I've ever done.
The walls close in tightly, dear
Barriers I should rightly fear
But I thought I could make it
Through tunnels of black
I thought that the darkness
Was all at my back
But it was everywhere
No light at the end of this
Tell me now, if I had enough faith would it all go away? (Would it all go away?)
I've come so close, but it never feels like I have the right words to say
I'm running and I'm screaming and I'm crying but there's no sign of change
What will it take? I'm gonna break, again, again, again
And why do I keep writing songs if nothing's ever different
Everyone's playing along with my concealed indifference
If I was God, I would have given up on me a long time ago
Is the fire burning brightly, dear?
Is it the dark of night we fear?
I've twisted my insides until I was right
I've turned off the lantern that once gave me sight
The dark is everywhere
What? Are you expecting a happy ending?
Well, I once expected that too
I guess there's nothing for me here
But to accept what is my due
Romans says that God chooses us
Ephesians says we are His work
John shows us that the Truth is Jesus Christ
In Hebrews that same Truth is leading us every step of the way
This is how it always happens, I fall and I fall and I fall
But this is where it always ends up, with God making me feel small
I have to believe that God has made me his own
I have to believe that Jesus won't let me go
If I don't, If I don't, then what am I living for?
If I speak, may I choke, on my words, if they are not yours
Guide my thoughts, guide my actions, again as I get to my feet
Make each step in time with yours, every day until your face I see
May each song, that I write, beat in time with your heart
And when I fall, please, Lord, catch me, don't let me fall apart